So you’ve just broken up and you feel lonely like crazy. Every one of your mates has their girls except you. You are going crazy thinking about her all day. What’s she doing now? Will she call? Why doesn’t she call? Does she miss me? All these questions are driving you crazy. And the worst one of all…..Has she found someone else??
I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that. Here’s some friendly advice.
Firstly, don’t resist the breakup. Agree with your ex-girlfriend that it’s the best thing for both of you for now. Why? Because women will ultimately value what they find hard to get. It’s just human nature. You don’t have to be snobbish and give her the cold shoulder treatment. But you should act calmly and agree with your ex over the breakup. This will give you both time to think and act rationally.
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You should turn your focus away from your ex-girlfriend to yourself. Evaluate yourself and figure out where you can improve. It may be your looks, mannerisms, behavior, temper, the way you speak etc. Take this time to make some changes to yourself. Consider what part you played that contributed to the breakup. Don’t get down hard on yourself or get into self-pity. Just make sure you genuinely change in these areas. For me, what my girlfriend really couldn’t stand was my impatience and short-temperedness. So I had to take a real hard look at myself, without blaming anyone or anything like my upbringing, my parents, peers etc. I felt I had to take responsibility for the kind of person I was and do something about it. And that I did. I got a good buddy to be accountable to for my temper, I forced myself to slow down on the non-essentials to learn to be patient and I put a stop to my less than pleasant language when I’m under stress. These things have gotten me into more trouble in the past than I dare count.
It took some weeks but I slowly began to change. I was calmer, more cheerful and less high-strung. I no longer felt that I was walking with a chip on my shoulder all the time. And the best compliment I received was from my buddy who told me I had changed. But the only person I really wanted to notice that was my ex-girlfriend. Would she see the changes in me?
After about 4 weeks came the moment of truth. I waited for an opportune time to contact her. She’d just gotten a promotion in her job. Excellent! I sent her a text message to congratulate her. And I also took the opportunity to ask her out for lunch (on me) as a way of congratulating her further. She accepted.
When the day came, I was as excited as I was on our first date. I knew I should not appear too eager or impulsive. All I wanted was for her to see the changes in me without me saying anything. When we met up at the coffee house, at first I could see she was apprehensive. But I pretended not to notice anything and just focused on having a good time with some good conversation. I did not bring up the past or anything to do with our relationship. It was as though we were getting to know each other for the first time. Gradually, she warmed up and started to laugh and talk freely. I could tell from her body language and tone of voice that she was receptive of me. Thank God! We only had about 45 minutes together because it was a work day; nevertheless although it was short, it was ‘sweet’ as well.
It took another 5 weeks and two more occasions before she told me she noticed some changes in me. Yes! From that point onwards things started to flow more easily although we still had not brought up anything about getting back together as a couple. Only after 6 months did I suggest becoming an ‘item’ again. To cut a long story short, it has now been about a year and my girlfriend and I are back together and more in love than we have ever been.
So hopefully you can glean some ideas for yourself from my experience. The key thing is to take a step back and focus on yourself first before trying to win back your ex-girlfriend. If you make the right moves to show her that you have changed, she will eventually respond in the same way back to you.
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