Jan
17
what do you do when your husband puts his ex wife first?
By
babygirl13820 asked:
i feel like my husband does what ever his ex wife wants him to they have a child together and that is what line he uses.. but i feel it is more then that..
Fast Fix Relationship
i feel like my husband does what ever his ex wife wants him to they have a child together and that is what line he uses.. but i feel it is more then that..
Fast Fix Relationship
20 Comments
January 20th, 2010 at 11:02 am
Become his next ex.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:52 am
YOU LEAVE HIM
January 25th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I would end up being ex-wife #2. His concern should be for his child, NOT the mother of his child. I understand being civil to an ex for the sake of childeren, but jumping through hoops to make her happy is going to far, he should be jumping through hoops to make YOU happy!
January 26th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Hey
What all us females tend to do is tolerate small things like that and men take advantage. Make sure he knows you wont stand for that! Having a child with a ex is very difficult as women always tend to keep the child away from the husband if her needs aren’t ment.
Think about it- if he wanted to be with her. Why does he come home to you?
January 29th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
i think he is misinterpreting the fact that they have a child together. The child is the one to come first, and anything to do with the child. When it comes to other things that aren’t related directly to the child, you should come first.
January 30th, 2010 at 6:32 am
it’s a difficult situation. but kids do come first. Talk to him about it and see if you can come to an understanding. It can be difficult for a parent not to jump to help when they aren’t involved all day/every day.
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:15 pm
He’s one of those hey, your problems may use be starting. I know it’s nothing you want to hear put there is no way you’ll never win. Call a good lawyer and be done with it. Good luck.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:10 pm
And you didn’t see this BEFORE you married him? Of course he is going to have contact with his ex wife…they share a child together…..Are you saying that because he is there for his child….that he is putting his ex wife first? That is so not true…..As long as whatever he is doing at the request of his ex wife….has to do with their child…then I don’t see how that makes him putting his ex first….
February 5th, 2010 at 1:20 am
No i’m sorry I don’t have that problem i’m happy my husband didn’t have a child with his ex-wife. But if I were in that situation I would sit him down and talk with him about what I was feeling and let him know that you know he has a child with his ex wife but that’s as far their relationship should go; for their child and the rest of the time he should spend it with his current family. I hope that helps a little, best of luck.
February 7th, 2010 at 3:09 am
I must agree with most of the others make him your EX asap. You should be first not her. You will never truly be first because if he is a good father the child will always be first. You should be no less than second. A child that a couple has together whether they still are or not should always be first.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Did you know this about him before you married him?
February 9th, 2010 at 5:13 am
He’s putting his ex wife first because he needs to maintain a decent positive relationship with her if they want to raise their child properly. Trust me, be thankful they’re working together and not hating each other because life isn’t as peachy on the other side of that. My husband fights with his ex gf nonstop and it makes a very tense household for myself and my stepdaughter and my own child.
I think if anything you’re just feeling a bit insecure about where you stand. And that’s perfectly okay. Just talk it out with your husband. Ask him if he has a problem with keeping you in the loop being that decisions with his child will in turn affect you and your husband. I’m a BIG believer in communication when you’re in a blended family. Staying open and honest about what’s going on will make it easier for you and a lot less fighting. You’ll know where you stand.
I’ve been a stepmom for 3 yrs now (my stepdaughter is 4) and it’s not easy. Mainly because I’m the peacekeeper when fighting goes on. I **** being involved, but I do it to keep the peace between his ex and with him. Because the KIDS are what matters. Keep telling yourself that. This is for the kids. And ignore comments you’ll get that your husband had a child when you married him, they’re a package deal, blah blah blah. Because while it’s partially true, it doesn’t make it easier for a person like you to come into a life like that. You just have to talk to your husband about this and find out where your place is. Once you have that established, you’ll start feeling better about the ex. It takes time….
Best of luck!
February 12th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I understand how you feel…
I myself is a second wife of my husband. From time to time I get jealous over the ex but it never came to a point that he puts his ex first.
I salute that you are still with your husband, that this kind of things is happening because if I where in your shoe.. I would probably packing my things now and leave him and make a note..
I am now your ex #2 and you can marry your #1 priority.
February 14th, 2010 at 9:59 am
You two need to sit down and discuss the matter and do so civilly. Get to the bottom of what it is that is really bothering you about the situation.
If his interactions with the ex are above and beyond what is necessary to care for the child, you both need to discuss and agree on appropriate boundary setting. Her involvement in your lives can only go as far as the boundaries you set and if you have none, you end up feeling as you do now – second fiddle.
Try to get to the bottom of both your fears and concerns together – and from there, move to appropriate boundaries (if they aren’t already in place). Enforce those boundaries consistently.
February 17th, 2010 at 12:48 am
Have a little talk with him. I felt the very same way about my husband and his first wife. He had two children with her, we had one, but he was always bending over backwards to accommodate her. My husband said the same thing – it was always about the kids or he didn’t want to make waves because he feared being hauled back into court for one reason or another. It was disgusting and we nearly split up over it.
Tell him you feel that even though you are the current wife, the ex has too much of a presence in your marriage and you are sick of it. He needs to get his priorities straight, the child should come first, not the ex and he needs to figure out a way to make that happen.
February 17th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
The only one that should come 1st b4 anyone or anything is the child, after that its you b4 anyone or anything. That he should already know. Then again, hes already been divorced once. You have to make that clear and ask him if hes willing to risk going for #2! Not being sarcastic, I’m serious!
February 20th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
I don’t think you can really blame this on your husband himself. This is something MEN typically do. They don’t like to argue, they don’t want to fight, they just want everything to flow because they don’t want to deal with anything. I have a number of women friends going through this same thing. all i can tell you is to get counseling from a professional to help you deal with this. This has really helped my friends going through this situation. And you know, if your biggest fight or biggest issue in your marriage is the issue of him and his ex wife…count your lucky stars because lots of couples fight about just about everything. : )
February 23rd, 2010 at 4:15 am
You knew this man had a child with his ex wife, when you married him. If you expect him to cut off all ties with her, you might as well leave now. You have a little jealousy in your heart and you need to stop it. The man has to interact with this woman. Doesn’t mean he’s putting her first at all. Stop imagining things and be his loving wife.
February 26th, 2010 at 6:29 am
Use him as target practise. Be imaginative don’t just use darts.
February 27th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
He is probably just so used to listening to her,that its hard for him to realize that she has no more say over him. I understand he has a child with her so she will always be a part of his life. He doesn’t have to do everything she tells him though. She is his ex.She has no more rights.He should arrange to have his kid picked up by you or have her drop it off at your place.Tell him you are sick and tired of this and won’t put up with it anymore. Tell him he has to make other arrangements to get his child.No more contact with her.Tell him he has to take your feelings into consideration,you are his wife!!! Good luck I hope this helps.